Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize