Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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