Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
