I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
