obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
