good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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