I wish my penis had an off switch
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
