6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
