I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
