i jhust puked up my retainher.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
