you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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