you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Found the puke drawer
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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