I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
