I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
