There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
