I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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