Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
