I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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