i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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