I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize