Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
