She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
