My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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