i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
