I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
