real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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