never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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