What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
