She is in my trunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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