There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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