oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
