highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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