I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
