I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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