wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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