Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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