Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I faked an abortion last night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
