We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
