He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
