I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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