I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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