I'm so fucking centered right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
