i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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