Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
