...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
time to smoke my breakfast
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
