Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
