I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
