Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
