i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
