I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
