I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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