The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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