a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize