Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
