i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
