i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
