dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
