Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You left your phone here
Wait...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
