We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
